First weeks of college

I had planned to have a post about all the fun things that have happen (late night runs for cheesecake, jam sessions) and about all the new things down here in Virginia (guys with southern accents *swoon*) but I can't

Really other things are taking precedence, I might get help soon. I was told that I should and that it is a good thing, but I'm scared.
How hypocritical is that though, a psychology major afraid of counseling. How could I ever expect people to come to me with their problems abd help them like i want to, when I myself can't convince myself to.
I kind of know that I have too. Ive brought up to someone that I know I meed help and that something is wrong. Thats a small start but one all the same.

All the little pathetic things keeping me here in this place I hate and yet I am
Scared to actively leave.
I am scared the most about all the things that I have started to realize that someday I am going to have to admit to someone. I will tell someone these things someday, like I have started to before. And I'm scared of what will happen then. How could I trust anyone with that. I know whats wrong about me and I hate it all and am embarrassed by myself.
What am I going to do with me.

There are these things. These, secrets that I sometimes can push out of my mind but I am starting to wonder if that isn't always going to be an option. And how I could even admit my weaknesses to anyone. How, when I know how differently I could be treated. How could I trust anyone to know and still stay. I feel horrible for thinking that, I love my friends but I am in a place where it is baffling that anyone would want to be near me. I'm sorry.

I am strong. I am strong.
But most the time I am so amazing weak. Mostly because I am tired of strong.