A thrill of hope, the weary world rejoices,
For yonder breaks a new and glorious morn.

Take heart

You know what I want.
To just sleep.

Can't though.

Take heart

You know what I want.
My lighter in my hand.

Not gonna.

Burn

Things just
pile up
pile
up.

Feelings
that get too strong.
Control
that is to weak.

Escape.

Focus
Focus
Give me something to focus on
Give me something.
Give me pain.

I have a Sandwich in my fridge...I just remembered and I am so excited to eat it!

My BLOP my darling child. My blog my little dear.
I am sad to say I have been neglecting you. I shall fix this I swear! I'll be back in a bit!

Silly complicated life things

And words with meaning.
Deeper
deeper then they should.

Insomnia

"If wellness is this what in hell's name is sickness"

It is scary

I feel so jealous. All the time.
Jealous of things that I don't even want and most defiantly do not need.
I want so much. I hate how much. Yet I don't let my jealously and wanting affect my actions. At least I try not to, but I know that that makes me distant. That's the rub, trying so hard not to act a certain way, monitoring your actions and censoring thoughts, it can't be done. It leaves you so weary, so tired.
I'll tell you my fears of black abyss of internet:
I want people. Always and never.
The one truth I will always know to be true is that everybody leaves; no one stays.
So lonely, I desire companionship that can be counted on and possessed. I fear I will never again let myself believe this to be possible. And part of me feels I am right not to, it is the truth, one constant no one can escape. No matter how much it hurts.
I wish I was somebodies 'reason' reason to stay, to go, to smile, to laugh, to anything. Even cry. I want to mean something to somebody. Be something to somebody. Know that it is more then just me.
I hate how bitter I get about others who have this. It makes me sick and feel cruel. I want them to be happy, truly. But I wish I could have that. That I could be a reason to be happy. Or at least be happy myself.

Tired, tired all the time. Weary down to the bone.
Something is wrong and I won't fix it and no one can fix it for me. I wish they would make me handle it. Make me face all my problems. But I won't let them, and no one will ignore my pride and vanity enough to tell me to shut up and make me change.
Terrible but that is what I want.

More an Island than a Rock.

I wish I was better than this.

Neil Gaiman has the best quotes for Love

I really don’t know what ‘I love you’ means. I think it means ‘Don’t leave me here alone.’ 

-Neil Gaiman