I love Being Human

Hair cut. Have bangs now...they are sorta inbetween-ish. No sense I know right?
Last couple of days have sucked. Big giant loads of depressing horrible-ness and self loathing.
I can't even help others like I want to.
I need help. They need help. So I will help.
Or I will try.
I want to be the one who helps. To stop the hurts life gives us.

Sick of those dang clouds

Have you seen my ghost?
Staring at the ground?
Have you seen my ghost?

Sick of those dang clouds

Are you some kind of medicine man?
Cut the demons out of my head
You cant kill something thats already dead
Just leave my soul alone
I dont need no surgery
Take those knives away from me
Just wanna die in my own body
A ghost just needs a home

Sexing...fruit flies

Sexing fruit flies...really kind of interesting. The lab report that comes afterwords about genetics...not so interesting. In fact kind of  horrible.
I need some sleep. Want to sleep. I think if I did, I would not wake up. Or at least I would try really hard not to.

Your Scotish...fry something!

Beans are evil....Bad bad beans.

I still love and sorta miss David Tennant and his 'Doctor' but...This is so freaking hilarious...BRAVO Matt Smith you are going to be quoted every time I eat yogurt or beans. Not a big victory on your behalf but hey, every bit counts?

Making you Wonder

if someone truly loves you, will they accept the secrets you have?

Excuses

We're monsters. We hurt each other, and try to convince ourselves it is for the best. We're human, we're flawed. There is something wrong with everyone of us, something none of us can fix, or would take the time to.

We live our lives around the pain. The pain that just is living; going on when we know no matter what we all tell ourselves nothing will change.

Life. 

Its pain, and loss and hurt. Most of all the hurt of those we love most. The hurt that we cannot fix, sometimes even the hurts we bring onto others. And we can't change it, it's who we are.

But we can try, try to do enough good to out weigh the bad we do to ourselves and to others. We can pray and hope the way God helps us causes others the least amount of suffering.

It's all we can do.

"The 11th Doctor: The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant."

Ever been in Love?

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

I have felt love twice. I think. Who really knows...

So now I know how much it sucks, but how great it is in the moment.

So I'm holding onto the idea that putting all the pains aside; that some day it will all work out. The sun will shine and there will be no fear no hurt no unsureness no fear. It will all be happy, easy.

But I never claimed to be a realist. In fact I hate 'realism'. What is it? Who can say what they see or feel is real? Or say that others' feel or see or say is not. Love isn't real, and at the same time it is. Painfully and irreversibly real. It may be the only real thing. It the only thing that can cause this hurt, the physical-yet-not pain.

Why love?

We know what will happen. You know. I know. Yet we cling to the idea. It is the only real thing. And the only thing we can't seem to reach.

Okay I'll stop now. 

This is gonna make yos'all think that this is so important. And that's not really what I want. In fact don't read this [too late if your reading this you did just read this]

THEME-I give up already gosh 

*throws something down and stomps out of the room in a fashion perfected by angry 5yr olds*

It's whatever :}

I am a casuality of the war that bordeom is wageing in my mind

Heidegger states this idea nicely:

"Profound boredom, drifting here and there in the abysses of our existence like a muffling fog, removes all things and men and oneself along with it into a remarkable indifference. This boredom reveals being as a whole."

see nice isn't it.
Lets all make horribal things sound pleasant because of the pretty words we use to describe them.
I am only half sarcastic-I really do love to read god awful things described in over creative ways it make me think and wonder and feel like a child again.

moral of this story READ NEIL GAIMAN

thank you thank you! this has been brought to you by the rambling brain of yours truly

all I have left to say
suck on that
there is no point to this sorry

NCIS love

Dinozzo... Di-knows best
Full Jethro Gibbs speed ahead!

Merry Freaking Christmas

Friends are all I need this year, fools... and you all were buying me things :}