Ever been in Love?

Have you ever been in love?
Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.
You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.
It hurts.
Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love.

I have felt love twice. I think. Who really knows...

So now I know how much it sucks, but how great it is in the moment.

So I'm holding onto the idea that putting all the pains aside; that some day it will all work out. The sun will shine and there will be no fear no hurt no unsureness no fear. It will all be happy, easy.

But I never claimed to be a realist. In fact I hate 'realism'. What is it? Who can say what they see or feel is real? Or say that others' feel or see or say is not. Love isn't real, and at the same time it is. Painfully and irreversibly real. It may be the only real thing. It the only thing that can cause this hurt, the physical-yet-not pain.

Why love?

We know what will happen. You know. I know. Yet we cling to the idea. It is the only real thing. And the only thing we can't seem to reach.

Okay I'll stop now. 

This is gonna make yos'all think that this is so important. And that's not really what I want. In fact don't read this [too late if your reading this you did just read this]

THEME-I give up already gosh 

*throws something down and stomps out of the room in a fashion perfected by angry 5yr olds*

It's whatever :}

I am a casuality of the war that bordeom is wageing in my mind

Heidegger states this idea nicely:

"Profound boredom, drifting here and there in the abysses of our existence like a muffling fog, removes all things and men and oneself along with it into a remarkable indifference. This boredom reveals being as a whole."

see nice isn't it.
Lets all make horribal things sound pleasant because of the pretty words we use to describe them.
I am only half sarcastic-I really do love to read god awful things described in over creative ways it make me think and wonder and feel like a child again.

moral of this story READ NEIL GAIMAN

thank you thank you! this has been brought to you by the rambling brain of yours truly

all I have left to say
suck on that
there is no point to this sorry

NCIS love

Dinozzo... Di-knows best
Full Jethro Gibbs speed ahead!

Merry Freaking Christmas

Friends are all I need this year, fools... and you all were buying me things :}

What do you want? You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down.

Mrs. Hatch: Well, what does he want?
Mary: I don't know!
[to George]
Mary: What do you want?
George Bailey: What do I want? Why, I'm just here to get warm, that's all!
Mary: [calling up] He's making violent love to me, mother! 

-It truly is a frickin Wonderful Life

And all's fair in love and war, right?
Well, I don't know about war...

So my dear friends...What is it you want? I have little to give but I'll give it gladly

"Your pretty..."

"...on the inside"

"and that's better then not pretty at all... Your pretty on the inside, to bad I'm an 'outside' kinda pretty guy"

Haha this is only funny because because it is true, which also makes it sad... but in a different way. I make no sense. Screw this who cares anyways.
'Least I am pretty on the inside.

I need love, Cause only love is true, and my friends cause they're so beautiful. Yeah my friends they are so beautiful. They're my friends

Today... how can one day have so many great moments? I had forgot that days like this existed.
Amazing day facts
#1 There is a band named Mishkin- the character I played in Fools. My mind is exploded.
#2 One of my Best buds gave me 6 count them 6 CD's of Freaking awesome music
#3 I got  Mexican candy
#4 Celtic Fyre...oh ya! Hot boys singing and dancing
#5 Taco Pizza
#6 My friends are the best ...ever. No lie. They can't even help it.

How do people impact your life so much. I mean it for me it started with one person who caused such a great change. Do you all understand how much you've helped me? How much I love you? How much I regret every moment I haven't told you I love you? Do you know how much it hurts me to know I am not always there for you when you need it...when you deserve it!
My friends save me. All the time. And they don't even know. Without them I wouldn't be who I am today, and I freaking love who I am.

Oh geez I just ranted about mushy friend stuff that noone will read haha.
Well I love my friends.Every frickin' lil one of them

 "My friends they are so beautiful. They're my friends."

And I wouldn't change that for anything.

Emily had a lot to say

If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain:
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.

Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

Goo Goo Dolls
 

 

I think maybe God, No I know God sent this song to me today. Somehow this sums it up right now. I don't know it reminded me of Christmas in a good way and I kinda don't like Christmas-NOT IN A 'bah humbug' sort of way I just have bad memories. Stupid Preordained Happy Occasions. BUT  this is a good song- This is what Christmas should be...hoping to find better days and Love and peace for everyone who hurts.

"I wish everyone was loved tonight
and to somehow stop this endless fight
just a chance that maybe we'll find better days"

Ah, pray make no mistake, We are not shy; We're very wide awake, The moon and I

-->dude I can't wait to see this WHAT!?!

Tonight [well next morning] is a total lunar eclipse on the winter solstice! woot woot by the time the next one comes along there will be no one living who still remembers you. 0.o that's a deep thought inducing ponder isn't it! So everyone should see this while they can.
Think about how when you look at the moon thousands, millions, are looking at it along with you.
We are not alone and for a few hours while the moon is red we can feel what it is like to look and something and be stared back at ^_^ who is pumped? ME!

Observe his flame,
That placid dame,
The moon's Celestial Highness;
There's not a trace
Upon her face
Of diffidence or shyness:
She borrows light
That, through the night,
Mankind may all acclaim her!
And, truth to tell,
She lights up well,

So I, for one, don't blame her!
Ah, pray make no mistake,
We are not shy;
We're very wide awake,
The moon and I

Join the Dork Side...we have a lunar eclipse

I need to stand on my own two feet right now, even if that means falling flat on my face

life of a 7 yr old

The world according to Maddog aka my darlinly annoying little monkey of a sister ->  

'Sissybug [thats what she calls me. when I was her age people called me Britbug, because I called myself that -I was/am weird- so when she was a baby she started adding 'sissy to the front]  I want a brown car' 

'Why?' 

'Because they are fashion of course' 

'Mad... why are brown cars fashion' 

'They are rare' ...a few seconds later -> 'Well, if I get a blue car or a black car I can put stars on it' 

'Your weird, why would you do that!' 

'Because then it will blend in when I drive at night' 

Sometimes I just love the way her mind works [or doesn't work] ♥ She made my whole weekend today, it was a bad weekend full of lots of crappy times. Thank god for little sisters and there odd lil minds

"You've got everything you need -- what are you waiting for? Move forward now."

-well that's from my horoscope from the day presented by dear yahoo...well its bound to mean something.

"When I cry
I close my eyes
And every tear falls down the side
And I pray
With all my might
That i will find my heart in someone's arms
When i cry

the salt inside my body ruins
Everyone I come close to
My hands are barley holding up my head
I am so tired of looking at my feet
All the secrets that I keep
My heart is barely hanging by a thread
Hanging by a thread

I miss you all
I wish I was
With you now
I wish
I was"
--> some lyrics from Jann Arden [no clue who that is but this popped up in a google search once] That seem to really 'capture the moment' I'm having, not to go all wussy on ya but if it works it works.Whatever this song is describing I am feeling right now. I want to find myself, yet I don't think I could handle myself alone. I need someone else to find me and hold us both.
I think my sadness ruins others, or at least ruins me to others. I can't help my self any longer I'm tired and done with all this crap and thinking of everything I can't say. All my life is caught up and barely held within me; ready to fall and shatter on the ground with even the slighted prod. Ready to break.
I want everyone. And noone. I love you all, but my Gosh why can't they just stay away. I want everyone I love. I wish I could be with them and never fall away like I do. I will always wish for them. I will love them. Even when they can't love me.