SuckerPunch

Who sends monsters to kill us,
And at the same time sings that we will never die,
Who teaches us whats real,
And how to laugh at lies.

Who chains us,
And who holds the key that can set us free,

It’s you

You have everything you need

so i just sit doing and knowing nothing while the world burns around me and others avoid my eyes

No it doesn't

It doesn't hurt
unless I walk
I don't feel pain
unless I try to talk
I don't even cry
unless I open my eyes
I don't need to kick or scream or curse
No, it doesn't hurt

I should have rewatched this 5 months ago

What if it doesnt end badly
What if nothing goes wrong
...
 "Let it bend before it breaks"

Will this end well?

Shed no tears until seeing the coffin.

why does that comfort me so much

Let them go...and Dream

I want to say that I am being left. left behind while everybody moves away.

But my smart smart smart brain tells me that is dumb. It tells me that we all have to 'grow up'

That is... is terms of moving on and out and basicly continuing with our lives ...I am in fact never going to grow up I'm quite happy with me the way I am right now so why change that because the world says that you are at one time a 'child' and at another and 'adult' ...no

Anywho little rant beside.... 

I feel lonly. Abandoned. I usually do, it is easy for me to slip into that thinking, to assume everybody leaves. Or that they are going to. Maybe part of me is right. 

Yes, everybody DOES leave. Life happens they have to move, go to school, travel, the list is endless and that IS life. 

Life is motion. It is moving and leaving and learning and getting out there and seeing what you always dreamed was there.

So why does my mind tell me that is bad.

That it is pain.

That it is loss.

That it is hurt.

Why does it hurt so much to know that even though you love them they have to live. To ask them to do anything else is selfish and cruel.

Why do I want to tie down those that I love? Keep them here and cut them off from what they need to do.

"If you love them it let it go and if your lucky they will come back to you"

That annoying little saying is not about what I always thought- That if you love someone they will leave and then if they love you back they will come to you. I always thought so dark about it, that it was a horrible saying.

But it is not. It is good, it is hope. Hope. If you love them let them live their lives where they need to be and go. Let them see and experience and dream of new things to explore. 
And then if your lucky they can come back, even better then they were, having now see and done more then they ever hoped, and then you can be even happier. You will both have had your dreams and dreamt up new ones.

If you are lucky you will both come back together, even better then before. 

You will have given them their dreams, and then you can cherish them when they return.

And if they don't you can smile knowing that even just a small part of you has helped them to find their dreams, their life.

You can smile with yourself knowing you were not a selfish person. 

Knowing that they are happy.

And better for it.

I live this moment as my last

...All the scars from the
Nevers and maybes die

The little things give you away

Time to more more things then I know.
I thought about college. And I felt sick.
The more I know the less I was to be.

I graduated today

I some the best moments of my life during high school. I decided I will always miss it and want to feel those ways again. But I will never want to be back in high school.

I can't hold on to me

Wonder whats wrong with Me

I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.