Chekhov

Oh, it's all foolishness. A hopeless love is just something you read about. It's nonsense. All you have to do is get ahold of yourself, not sit waiting for something to change like waiting for the weather. If love worms its way into your heart, dig it out...I'll forget about it all - tear it out of my heart from the roots.

MASHA

  This is a line from the Character I read from today in theater: cynical, awful, girl who gave up and does what ever she wants

flaw'd heart, Alack, too weak the conflict to support! 'Twixt two extremes of passion, joy and grief, Burst smilingly.

The losing card I'll someday lay

Merde.


Side note. Ya know when a screen goes black on a computer but its still 'lit' well I wish my skin was a clear as it looks reflected in there.

First weeks of college

I had planned to have a post about all the fun things that have happen (late night runs for cheesecake, jam sessions) and about all the new things down here in Virginia (guys with southern accents *swoon*) but I can't

Really other things are taking precedence, I might get help soon. I was told that I should and that it is a good thing, but I'm scared.
How hypocritical is that though, a psychology major afraid of counseling. How could I ever expect people to come to me with their problems abd help them like i want to, when I myself can't convince myself to.
I kind of know that I have too. Ive brought up to someone that I know I meed help and that something is wrong. Thats a small start but one all the same.

All the little pathetic things keeping me here in this place I hate and yet I am
Scared to actively leave.
I am scared the most about all the things that I have started to realize that someday I am going to have to admit to someone. I will tell someone these things someday, like I have started to before. And I'm scared of what will happen then. How could I trust anyone with that. I know whats wrong about me and I hate it all and am embarrassed by myself.
What am I going to do with me.

There are these things. These, secrets that I sometimes can push out of my mind but I am starting to wonder if that isn't always going to be an option. And how I could even admit my weaknesses to anyone. How, when I know how differently I could be treated. How could I trust anyone to know and still stay. I feel horrible for thinking that, I love my friends but I am in a place where it is baffling that anyone would want to be near me. I'm sorry.

I am strong. I am strong.
But most the time I am so amazing weak. Mostly because I am tired of strong.