I'm calling it

Right here and now. Mark my words cause if I'm right then I know whats gonna happen. And it's gonna hurt a lot.

No Thank You

It is funny how you can spend so much time wishing a certain thing would happen, think about it and glorify it and think 'Man, if only'. Then everything would be better. It would make sense and be okay. You build it up, and when ever it is a moment of complete darkness you remember 'if only' and the darkness dose not feel so bad because you know that this one insignificant thing could fix it all. It becomes the cure-all, the antidote fir every poison.
But some rational part of you says that to hold something so high is wrong. It is an invitation to fall. So you reject it. Make it so that it us not even an option, no possibility of it exists in your mind. It is the fairy tale you use to calm yourself at night when shadows of monsters approach pulling at you, but know in your heart that it is not true. It is make believe and nothing more, nothing real.
But a tricky thing occurs, the thing that event finally happens. The mind struggles between feeling relieved and simply...not feeling. It goes against your rational. It can not happen. It was never meant to happen. Yet it dose and you scream out inside. In an instance you relive all the darkest times all those moments you cried out for this to happen to be a sign of something, of memory or hope. Now that formerly significant thing is hated, it is what made you have the darkness in the first place. You regret all the times you wished for it.
Oh the hilarity, the bitter hilarity of these turn of events.
By funny, I mean not funny at all. Not funny, but sad.

A rewind to Thursday December 30, 2010

Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.

- Neil Gaiman

You are allowed to say these things once you I are not, I suppose.

Some people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them- The Fault in our Stars, John Green

Productivity at its Finest

Insomnia is always fun.
My ways to combat the sleeplessness:

(if due to racing thoughts/over-thinking Visualize the thought as a piece of paper stretched across the frame of your mind, rip it to shreds.
Visualization also could involve the thought as an image, canvas or picture which you then can 'paint' over.
(due to any cause) Load up on over the counter sleep medication (warning, I have to take more then recommended to even get a little drowsy. And I'm tiny. So they may be useless. At least it could work as a placebo)
Make a story or world or character in your head, then complete the story, explore the world, or become the character. I do this a lot with story ideas I have had or with short bits I have written. This is a nice distraction from any bad thoughts as well as getting your focus away from being tired and any stress that comes with not being able to sleep.
Write to yourself. This can be thoughtful or seemingly meaningless. (this 'writing' can be physically getting up and writing, leaving yourself a message in your phone, or simply stepping back from yourself a telling yourself in your own mind.
Pray, be it about the problem (insomnia, racing thoughts, emotions, sickness or whatever your cause) or simply having a nice little chat with God.
Soul search (could be in conjunction with the writing one) think through yourself. Your actions, emotions and thoughts.
Listen to music (whatever genre/artist/playlist is most likely to calm and distract you, for me it is Flogging Molly)
Read a book (hopefully not one you will have problems putting down as this is only meant for a short term distraction)
Make a list- of any thing. Thought if the insomnia is due to a thought based problem this could have the opposite effect.
Have a fake conversation with a person. (aka talk to yourself inly pretending that your answers or questions are from another)
Write on your blog. As I am currently demonstrating.

Absolute NO-NOS:
Do not, for the love of God and all that is holy, 'check Facebook' UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS THIS A GOOD IDEA.
Don't start watching TV, too much stimulation and is detrimental to sleep.
No late night eating. Bad. Plan. (surrounding circumstances might allow for this one)
Do not Text someone. (Usually a bad plan in my case but this is the most subjective)
NO YOUTUBE VIDEOS, once you start it is near impossible to stop when you really should.

This has been my tips and tricks of Insomnia.